Saint Valentine’s Day Space Massacre

Updated February 15, 2020 12:20pm EST – We survived. Over the past few days, some articles popped up online warning people about a giant fucking asteroid that is going to do a Top Gun “buzzing the tower” style flyby on Earth Saturday morning. Good news! We aren’t going to die! At least not from that.Continue reading “Saint Valentine’s Day Space Massacre”

Things to Throw When You Are Drunk

I recently attended a retirement party that came with a legal waiver to sign. Oh! Such intrigue! Would I be exposed to industry secrets? Was the nature of this person’s work so sensitive that I would need to be bound LEGALLY to not tell anyone? No, it was because if you are drunk and wingContinue reading “Things to Throw When You Are Drunk”

A Guide to Surviving New Music Anxiety In Your 30s

Does trying to understand new music make you feel old? If your answer was yes, then you are. If it was no, you are a) lying or 2) young and making the people this is for cross the street in fear. As 2019 began it’s descent into the flaming dumpster that many people declared it,Continue reading “A Guide to Surviving New Music Anxiety In Your 30s”

Christmas Is About the Lights!

‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through my feed, I saw a story of assholes and being smug was their need! If you want a longer account of the Christmas spirit being a fucking demon, check out the Inquirer article. But more or less, a family was given the premiere example of passive aggressiveContinue reading “Christmas Is About the Lights!”

Star Wars Hot Take Time!

Look, this hurts me just as much as it hurts you. Hopefully you find this on a week where there isn’t a new Star Wars movie coming out and you aren’t so completely blown out on reading/hearing/thinking about Star Wars that the two words combined make your soul temporarily leave your body, only to awakenContinue reading “Star Wars Hot Take Time!”

The Night My Salad Made My Ears Ring

Earlier this week, the weather was just shitty enough for my girlfriend and myself to cancel our plans, but not sock soaking enough to prevent us from trying to go to dinner. The problem was our intended destination is one of those places that is closed on Monday, trying to be fiscally responsible instead ofContinue reading “The Night My Salad Made My Ears Ring”

Let Us All Give Thanks for the Salad Bar

Last week, Americans celebrated one of many unofficial beginnings to the holiday season by getting pissed at each other and gorging themselves with a series of food items that no one in their right mind would ever have at the same meal, all in the name of tradition. It was Thanksgiving. (Real quick: I wouldContinue reading “Let Us All Give Thanks for the Salad Bar”

I’ve got some tools, let’s drink ‘em!

Moving is a time honored tradition that dates back to the beginning of the bible when god told Adam and Eve to get the fuck out. It is still as pleasurable now as it was then. Probably just a bit more expensive. And you are more likely to get screwed over by a cable company.Continue reading “I’ve got some tools, let’s drink ‘em!”

I have absolutely nothing to blog about.

Looks like I am going to live up to the garbage person persona that I have been carefully cultivating over the years and put it in writing on a blog. I spend most of my day communicating with really talented writers and the most poetic contribution that I have for most conversations is an emailContinue reading “I have absolutely nothing to blog about.”