Christmas Is About the Lights!

‘Twas the day after Christmas and all through my feed, I saw a story of assholes and being smug was their need!

If you want a longer account of the Christmas spirit being a fucking demon, check out the Inquirer article. But more or less, a family was given the premiere example of passive aggressive suburban living when they received a letter criticizing their lack of decoration. “How dare you not give me a Christmas cheer colonic when I look at your property!”


Look at that shit. First of all, the punctuation is enough to make me burn my own house down just to make property values drop. The best part about it, though, is the line at the top about how they moved, but don’t worry, they are still coming back to this old neighborhood to try to make people feel like shit.

Do you think they actually moved and came back thinking they are doing people a service, or is this like their next door neighbor who doesn’t have the courage to do this type of thing face to face?

“Well, we have to let them know that the tide is about to turn in the War on Christmas and we can’t take anymore heavy losses. Someone at Starbucks spelled my name wrong and their manager wouldn’t even fire them. Then someone filmed me ranting about it, posted it to youtube, and called me Christmas Karen! My name is spelled Caryn! I just need these people to make me happy at all times, but I don’t want to make it weird, so I think it might be best if they don’t know it is coming from us.”

Have the courage to at least put your own address on something like this so we can steal all of the inflatable garbage you put out and see if you want to keep buying more to keep up appearances.

The people who received this message seem to not have been having the best time this year, especially as the holidays approached. The last thing they needed was some “We don’t have a home owner’s association, so I’m going rogue” bullshit like this. But even if they had been having a super chipper year, this is still beyond infuriating.

Look, decorate your house however you want. Make your electric bill more than my annual income. That’s up to you. But don’t try to dictate whether someone did a job up to your standards. Whether you know how their life is going or not, you can’t assume everyone wants to celebrate the holidays the way you do. Or if at all.

If I had my way, the only indication that it was Christmas would be the trash bag filled with wrapping paper that I have been too lazy to throw out. So if you would like to tell me I am wrong for that, please tell me where to come so I can burn it on your lawn.

Maybe I’m being too harsh. I have never owned a home either, so I don’t know what it’s like to be this far up my own ass about what the neighborhood looks like. I just moved out of an apartment complex where someone was murdered in one of the elevators on a Sunday. That’s a day of rest. Do your killing during the work week, please. So I can’t say I really have a reference point for owning property in an affluent neighborhood. But now I want to so I can go ALL FUCKING OUT with Christmas decorations, but leave them up year round to see if I get any “helpful” citations.

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