What Should I F@#%ing Watch?

I think this TV is broken.

Yo, so like…what should I watch right now?

I’m not going to make this easy, but I promise it’s not just me being difficult in general. I am just genuinely not in the mood to watch anything and it is really messing me up.

It’s been almost a year since I was at a party and thought to myself, “Well, if I dip out early, I can go home and watch a movie before I fall asleep.” I did that A LOT. That became my new thing after I got past the phase of needing to be there until the very end of every party. Well, right up until the moment where I would need to volunteer to help clean up.

Sorry, everyone.

I really started to enjoy being out, but looking forward to going home, getting comfortable, and absorbing something through my eyeholes before bed.

Now all I have is time to watch shit and I just don’t want to do it. I get to the end of my work day and maybe I want to catch up on a little reading, as if I didn’t just spend my whole day doing that. Then it comes time to settle in and watch a little TV and everything…fucking sucks.

I know that’s harsh and probably not true, but goddamn does TV feel like shit anymore. Granted, there have been a handful of shows that really got me and I was super excited to watch (Wayne), but they end after like 8 episodes, so two days after getting the endorphin rush of not hating everything, it’s back to me flipping through 57 apps on my TV filled with shit I don’t even want to have on while I play MarioKart on my phone.

How is it that there are so many streaming services that I FUCKING PAY FOR that have nothing that interests me? And don’t even get me started on Apple TV+, a streaming service that is such shit that they keep giving it to me for free and I still want to cancel it. How the hell have you given me over a year and a half of free access to your programming and I have only been interested in one series and THAT is based on a bunch of commercials?

Granted, Ted Lasso has been one of the few bright spots of this past year. And I mean that in a way that transcends my current complaining about how I’m an old man. I looked forward to a new episode every week. And I’m pretty sure that Apple keeps telling me they are giving me more free months of their service until a new season is ready to air and they know I will be ready to pay the $5 a month just to be charmed by that delightful program.

My wife keeps watching Servant. People seem to really like it. If someone could explain to me what is appealing about it, I would be ever so grateful. To me, it just seems like a show filled with incredibly unlikable characters who do shit with no explanation and keep trying to open new cans of worms to distract you from the fact that halfway through a second season of the show, they haven’t actually explained any of the old ones they opened. At some point, you have to have a bit of payoff for it to come together. Or eventually, you realize that you have spent many hours of your life watching a show that still never really made up for the fact that it’s beginning premise is a rich woman keeps carrying around a baby doll to get through her grieving and no one will actually help her get proper treatment.

Netflix keeps charging me an increasing amount of money every month to make original programming that is so half-assed, it makes me want to die. There are a handful of movies they’ve made, or at least picked up distribution, that are genuinely good (I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore, Apostle), but they aren’t the ones they properly push. If they stumble on a good, original show premise, they kill it early, and keep pumping money into things that should have ended years ago.

Hulu has a few good shows, but the only way to watch them without annoying yourself into submission is to pay a stupid amount of money to watch it without commercials, and if I wanted to pay that much money, I would pay for real cable and watch everything Hulu has when it originally airs. And someone really needs to address how you can be watching a show on Hulu and when it cuts to commercial, they are so loud, I basically piss my pants until I’m so dehydrated that I would rather just go to bed than get more water. Or clean up all the piss.

Disney + is fiiiiiiiiine. Everyone keeps asking me if I started watch WandaVision. No. I haven’t. And every time someone asks me, I am putting it off for another month. It doesn’t matter. People are just going to spoil it on in the internet anyway. And since way too many people are getting sexual gratification from watching episodes at 6am and then going on Twitter to post screencaps, watching it later in the weekend or 8 months from now really doesn’t affect anything.

Okay, I’m just completely off the rails now.

The real fact of the matter is that I’m the problem. There’s a lot of stuff I could JUST FUCKING WATCH. But I don’t want to. I want to be excited about a show. There are two or three of those a year. That’s not enough.

I don’t know if it is just an oversaturation thing or that I am in a bad place mentally with it. I just keep watching shit on YouTube. Luckily, I haven’t fallen into a conspiracy theory hole that will end with me committing an act of treason instead of facing the fact that I’m sad inside and I don’t know to express it.

I’ve been doing a re-watch of Twin Peaks with some of my friends over the internet. That’s been great. But when I asked what new stuff everyone was watching, the only responses were Letterkenny, which I was already caught up on, and The Crown. I don’t think The Crown is for me, so I haven’t checked it out. The idea of monarchy as entertainment sets my poor serf genes a-twitchin’ and ready to overthrow something.

So, again, what should I watch? What are you watching that is keeping you sane? What new things are you excited about? What should I just give a chance and stop being a rich lady’s therapy doll baby about?

If enough people give me good suggestions, I will likely start a series of episode reviews/breakdowns. And if you have ever had to sit across from me at a table and talk about a movie or TV show, you know what a train wreck that can be. So even if you just want me to get fired up about something and rant about it on the internet, let me know what I should fucking watch.

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